No Line Here for Returns

Okay, you got through Thanksgiving with only mild indigestion brought on by that obnoxious uncle of yours. You wanted so badly to act on your impulse to go for his juggler but you didn’t…because that would have pissed off your mother, which, in turn, would have pissed off your father…because he would have had to listen to it after everyone left — to ad nausium!

Then, you managed a Black Friday shopping spree that turned into an all-nighter…because you stopped at the bar to drown your annual sorrows in the beer you bought with your last few bucks…because you’ll be dragging your sorry-self home to an empty house…because your dog doesn’t even like you and runs and hides when you walk in the door.

So now, you’re sitting surrounded by random crappy gifts for people you don’t even like, who will return them after Christmas….because they don’t like you either….because of your continuous fighting over stupid political issues that you don’t even remember….because that’s how your life has spiraled out of control. Which seems to have begun when you walked away from Church…because of something daft the pastor said about the monetary requirements for heaven right before the basket was passed around.

So now, take a deep breath…because right on the heels of your worst Thanksgiving ever, will be the likely coming of your worst Christmas ever: Same shitshow, different day…because you can’t seem to muster the humility to stand before God where there’s no line, no waiting, no need to explain where you’ve been. He knows — duh!

All God’s asking from you is a sincere apology, an honest effort to change, and a willingness to unload the gun, tear up the next hate letter you were about to mail, and delete all the anonymous posts from Facebook — ALL OF THEM!

Because…this could be epic. This could change the course of your entire pathetic life! This could actually make you want to wake up in the morning — volunteer at a soup kitchen — cut your neighbor’s grass — take that crabby uncle out to lunch for no reason. Or all of the above…BECAUSE — you have finally discovered that God gave your life meaning and purpose before you even existed and now he wants to help you fulfill it!

And why you ask, would you even think that it would be possible to return your wretched, messy, used up, broken self to God? Surely there’s an expiration date on returns not in “like new” condition.

Because that’s how God rolls! He forgives, he forgets, and he’s wildly and shamelessly in love with you right there in your mess. I know, crazy, huh?! And he makes all things new! That’s right — even you!